What Brave Looks Like

This morning was a hustle and bustle getting six kiddos dressed in their uniforms, backpacks set with snacks and supplies, and out the door for the first day of summer school.

Ellie was nervous, excited, ready. We’ve been talking with her for weeks, preparing her in every way we could think of for the reality of this day. PTSD is a monster that appears in many different forms for kids who have come through the system. This precious one has been fighting a losing battle with separation anxiety for the last four years, and seemingly worsening instead of getting better. How she would handle willingly walking away from mom for four hours without crying, clinging, wailing, or screaming I had no idea.

When we arrived at school, I dropped off the rest of the kids, then parked. Ellie and I walked in together and were directed to the cafeteria where all the students were sitting at tables. It was a deafening clamor, and, palpably intimidated, Ellie clung to my arm and hid behind me just a bit as we walked across the room to stand beside the wall. The classes were dismissed oldest to youngest, so that at the end, only the new kindergartners (and their parents) remained in the room with their teachers, whose faces beamed encouragement and reassurance.

It was time to line up! I walked her over to the line, gave her a hug and kiss and a “Go have a GREAT day!” and stepped back as she stepped forward. As they began filing out, she glanced back at me several times, with a look of smiling trepidation that gave me a lot of hope. The parents followed along as they trooped across campus to their classroom building, and by the time we got there, she was no longer glancing back.

I was doing so many inner fist-pumps!! To see her win the battle on this important day, to vanquish that monster and face something new and scary with determination and so much fortitude – I can’t express how proud it made me to be her mama today.

I know the war is not over. The monster will not go quietly. But this win will fuel the fire inside my little warrior, and I know she will keep coming back to fight that monster and every time she will grow stronger until she slays it for good. And I will be right behind her every step of the way, cheering her on to victory.