Silence

My pastor, Fr. John Lankeit, posted an article today on Facebook, entitled #17: How the Devil Detests Silence and Fills our World with Noise. I don’t know about anyone else, but it definitely hit home for me, in particular this scripture passage:

1 Kings 19:11-13 Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

And [God] said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.  And when Eli′jah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. 

Now, if you’re a mom, then you have likely been as browbeaten as I have with warnings and cautionary articles about “being present” for our children, putting down the smart phone and looking at our children, logging out of Facebook, turning off the computer, the TV, the radio, the whatever-is-distracting-you-from-your-infinitely-valuable-vocation-of-motherhood. And I’ll admit, that’s a message that is both true and good, and probably the browbeating should continue (at least for me) until I start to do a more consistent job of turning off and tuning in. 

The twist in this article, for me, was recognizing that, even during the evenings after chaos of the day has ended and the household has gone to bed, the time of day when I am searching for silence and a chance to focus my brain for a little while, what do I do? Do I use the time to meditate on the Word of God, to pray, to allow the Lord to use the silence to speak to me?

No. I sit in front of my computer and read blogs and articles (and comment threads, more the fool me) and work on photos, and it’s still noise. In the “silence” of the house, I am still overwhelming my brain with noise, frantically trying to “fill my tank” with either information, or creative pursuits, both of which can require a huge amount of mental energy. There have been occasions when reading blog comments got me so riled up I couldn’t sleep for hours; other times, I have been so driven with my photo work before bedtime that I spent a whole exhausting night, racing through an endless loop of frenetic photo edits in my dreams. Neither my “quiet time” before bed, nor my sleep, were restful, my tank did not get filled up, and I woke up the next morning physically and spiritually drained. 

I believe there is something better the Lord wants for me, but I’m not going to get it in front of my computer.

There is a lot to be said for going to the ranch, where there are no computers, barely any radio signal, minimal phone service, just lots of space, plenty of sage and juniper, ground squirrels and lizards, snakes, beetles, and the occasional herd of cattle plodding from one watering hole to the next. And most of all, silence, blessed silence. It is a perfect place to retreat, especially when prayerfully seeking guidance, but even when you’re not looking for a particular revelation — just the chance to quiet your spirit from the hubbub. 

I can’t get up there to retreat as often as I’d like, but I can do better about providing myself with mini-retreats right here at home. Back in my college bible study days, a popular abbreviation for daily devotions was “QT” (quiet time). I need to get back to “doing my QT”… reading scripture, meditating on the life of Christ through praying the rosary, and waiting, in silence, for that still small voice.